Haven't seen any bad jokes for a while so...

In a country pub in northern Australia an entertainer is demonstrating to the outback audience ... the obedience and docility of a large croc he has with him.

He picks up a large stick and and belts the croc repeatedly across it's snout and gets absolutely no reaction ... to the amazement of the crowd he follows this up by unzipping his fly and placing his penis in the croc's mouth and belting it several more times ... still with no reaction ... the crowd are stunned!

Holding the stick high he says "Any of you are welcome to come up here and have a go!"

After a minutes silence an old woman up the back gets to her feet and says ... "I'll have a go ... just don't go hitting me with that darned stick!"
 
Finally! A photo thread in which I can contribute:

Secret of a long life:

You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are
you again?"

"I am 78," said the man.

"78!" remarked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy?
You look like a 60-year-old."

"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married
that whenever she got mad she would go into the
kitchen and cool off and I would go outside for a walk
to settle down." the man explained.

"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.

"I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
 
Jano, it threw me at first, too. But it makes sense once you've done the gestalt shift to realizing that the termite is inquiring whether the "bar" is "tender," rather than merely inquiring about the presence of the bartender. Get it?

-Randy
 
On the golf joke thread:

There was a golfer who hated one par 3 on the course. Everytime he hit a tee shot the ball would go in the water. He got used to pulling out a crappy ball everytime he played the hole since he would always lose the ball.
One day he came to the hole and he heard a voice from above say,"Today's your dayyyyy"
He felt worried and excited at the same time.
He took out an old crappy ball but then the voice said,"Take out a new balllll"
He grew even more excited and he teed up a new ball.
Then voice then said,"Take a practice swingggggg."
He could barely contain himself now, and took practice swing.
As he set up to the ball, he heard the voice from above again and it said,
"Take out the old ballllll"
 
A dog limps into a bar and says,"I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."
A skeleton walks into a bar and says,"I'll have a beer and a mop"


Thanks to all y'all for these jokes! The ones I've not heard before will be inflicted--sorry, shared with my friends and co-workers!
How about some more, please!
Rob
 
350D_user said:
A bloke walks into a bar
*thud*
Click to expand...
There were lots of groaners, including the termite and the "tender" bar joke, but this one takes the cake. And throws it back on the floor.

It can only work either on the screen, or in my insane, echoing mind.

It's both funny and bad. It's a good bad joke. Like a new classic. Or a new old favorite. Ok, I'm going to bed.
 
Two blondes were walking in the woods and they came to a set of tracks. The first one said, "These are deer tracks!". The second one said "No, these are definitely moose tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.
 
Q: What lens did the Russian Revolutionary use to take photos of his heroes?
A: A wide Engel, of Course.


Goodnight, everyone! I'll be here all week.


Rob
 
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